“You don’t have the highs of bipolar.” This is a statement I have heard numerous times from family members or close friends. I’m here to share with you that the faces of bipolar disorder don’t all look the same. For me, being diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 has redefined how I view my mental illness and how it is treated, but it hasn’t defined me.
Bipolar disorder is defined by the National Institute of Mental Health as a brain-based disorder that changes one’s mood, energy levels, activities and affects daily tasks. My diagnosis of bipolar disorder type I is diagnosed by having symptoms of elevated mood or mania, mixed episodes of mania and depression, and it can last for weeks—whereas bipolar disorder II is characterized by depression, hypomanic episodes, but no full-blown episodes of mania or mixed states of mood. There is also bipolar disorder not otherwise specified and even cyclothymic disorder.
I define it as something that changes the way I think, sometimes how I behave, and how my brain processes the world. My symptoms are often characterized by long periods of depression, mostly during winter, or after the loss of a romantic relationship, or by manic symptoms such as periods of lots of energy, racing thoughts, the ability to work and be very productive, little sleep (such as 4 or 5 hours a night) for months on end, and excitement. My illness has impacted my daily life, and my ability to work in a traditional setting or with too much direction or not enough clear boundaries and guidelines. It has caused me hospitalizations, to take daily medication, and I go to therapy regularly to discuss how it impacts my daily life, my personal life, and how I can better manage my symptoms.
Bipolar disorder looks different from person to person. I think those differences can be subtle or great. They can be disastrous for some, and for others like me, it can be a source of inspiration and creativity. Regardless of how the illness manifests itself in your life, I am here to tell you, you don’t have to feel the same or process it the same as anybody else. You’re unique, you’re beautiful, and you can recover. I am living in recovery, and I believe recovery is a process that is moment by moment, day by day. I didn’t arrive at recovery, but I’m always in the process of recovering. I’m enjoying the journey despite the negative side of my symptoms and illness.
You can have purpose and live a meaningful life with bipolar disorder. Your life doesn’t look the same as anyone else’s, and it shouldn’t have to look the same, either. You’re an individual, who lives in a diverse world of beauty and truth, and you have something to offer this world. I encourage you to be honest and authentic, share your story, and help destroy the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder and all mental illness.
The faces of bipolar disorder look different, even if we have some shared experiences in our eyes from our journey with recovery. You don’t have to look like me, or have to have traveled my journey to relate, but my hope is that you can find community here in knowing there are people out there who can relate, understand, and empathize with you even if their names, faces, and stories don’t look the same. I am Dave Wise. I have bipolar disorder, and I’m living in recovery. I am a face of bipolar disorder, but bipolar disorder does not define me.
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I don’t hear about anyone writing about weight gain and the physicality of bipolar and aging. I take my meds faithfully every day. Paxil, lamictal, geo dome and clonapin. I have always had weight issues since puberty. But exercise and diet always worked. The past few years I have become so much heavier. I don’t have the energy to exercise. I work a high stress job. My ddoctor doesn’t want to change my meds as I’ve been stable for 15 years I’m almost 65 but my body is getting harder to pull around? Any body else with drug related weight issues?
Hi Susan! Thank you for starting this great discussion. An article that we hope can help: https://www.bphope.com/the-push-pull-of-weight-gain/
I don’t hear about anyone writing about weight gain and the physicality of bipolar and aging. I take my meds faithfully every day. Paxil, lamictal, geo dome and clonapin. I have always had weight issues since puberty. But exercise and diet always worked. The past few years I have become so much heavier. I don’t have the energy to exercise. I work a high stress job. My doctor doesn’t want to change my meds as I’ve been stable for 15 years I’m almost 65 but my body is getting harder to pull around? Any body else with drug related weight issues?
I live by the phrase, (I am Penny H., I have bipolar disorder, and I’m living in recovery. I am a face of bipolar disorder, but bipolar disorder does not define me.)
Thank you for sharing.
After a bad manic episode with psychosis lasting 30 days followed by 30 days of a deep depression, I was given a diagnosis of BP1. The episode happened when I was 40. The episode was brought on by an abrupt discontinuance of Prozac. I never had any major symptoms of either mania, psychosis or major depression since that time or after the episode. All of my care providers (psychiatrist, psychotherapist PCP and social workers) are now clear that it was medication driven.
I didn’t any medications until at the age of 49, I realized that I had mild mood “fluctuations”. Then the lightbulb went off in my head.
I had Cyclothymia. I fit all the classic symptoms and then some.
I am now on Gabapentin, Lamictal and I take Zyprexa for the occasional hypomanic symptomology. I have been taking my medications religiously as they are my saving grace.
Our Bipolar stories are all different. In a way I am grateful for my disorder. It gives me an energy that helps me along in life, especially now that I deal with major medical issues.
All of my life people have commented on my energy and also my “pensive” or exhausted mood states.
Now I know what it is and how to take care of it..
I was diagnosed with cyclothymia in July, after 25 years of hell. The psych recommend i research quetiapine and lamotrigine… I’ve decided to try out quetiapine. I hope to god this drug works, as the antidepressants made me worse, I tried every one known to man. I find the hypomania very disruptive, the constant racing thoughts, pacing, rapid speech, it’s complete hell, my mood, emotions, facial expressions correspond with the racing thoughts. I can suppress when I’m around people, although I spend most of my time alone, you will knwo the overwhelming compulsion to isolate??♀️
Hi Dave, thanks so much for this article. I had one episode of mania and psychosis that lasted weeks and needed haldol for weeks to break it, two hospital stays within a two month period, one for 6 weeks straight! That’s how I got my bipolar I diagnosis because until then I would only seek help when I was depressed, and never when I was hypomanic. Anyway, since then, the euphoria and “up” ness , which was so enjoyable, is gone and all I get when I am starting to be more hypomanic is irritability and anger. How fun for me and all my loved ones! ?? So now I am upping lithium just to not feel like saying f*** you all the time, which I say ( to myself, not out loud) multiple times a day.. anyway just giving an example of the different flavors of bipolar. Wish I didn’t have this flavor though.