Dating While Bipolar: It’s Not You, It’s Me
While other people ponder the question of “Is it me?” as to why they are single, in my case I KNOW it’s me––and my bipolar––that are making me single.
Valentine’s Day has always been a source of anxiety for me as it seems to be the singular holiday meant to remind the chronically single that they are still, woefully, not partnered up. In my case, I’ve been sans partner most of my life. In my 34 years of living I have produced one college boyfriend and one ex-husband … and a decade of nothing else.
I only recently started dating, as when I was going through that Bipolar-riddled rough patch known as “my 20s” I stopped dating to focus on my health. Love could wait.
So while other people can ponder the question of “Is it me?” as to why they are single and weigh the pros and cons of it, I KNOW it’s me. And being Bipolar has not helped the “it’s me”-ness of my dating life.
All my dating problems boil down to the fact that I’m a slow burn. Like, Paleozoic. I truly do like to get to know someone organically, become friends and then seriously consider dating them. The other part I’m sure is about control, fear and my illness. It’s tough to open up about mood swings and other anxiety-related oddities with a virtual stranger. Especially one you’re supposed to be on “your best” with because you’re “pitching woo.” Finding a romantic partner with the modern expectations of romance — which all seem to boil down to never being a problem and always being fun – are further compromised when you’re saddled with a side of Eeyore that can reveal his depressed head at any time.
But I’m dedicated to finding the right one for me. I like being part of a duo. But it’s a slow process for me. Too bad the world is moving at a much more advanced pace.