Bully, Bullied, or Both?

Studies are showing that being a bully or being bullied can have profound, long-term affects on kids that can continue into adulthood.   I am glad that more people are recognizing that there are no specific “qualifications” that might cause someone to be “bully-able”. 

Since the “It Gets Better” ad campaign I’ve had some worries. I am sure it does get better for lots of folks.  But for some of us bullying has tarnished entire adult experiences, choices, mental/physical health, and relationships.

That’s my story. Starting at adolescence, I seemed to be someone easy to pick on, maybe because I was perceived as different in a lot of ways (I was).  I was beat-up, mugged, and verbally and physically attacked many times.

The sickest thing about it was that the adults looked the other way.  Defending myself against peers became simpler, because I learned to give off a cocky “don’t bother to mess with me, ‘cuz I’ll hurt you” attitude. I was very lonely.  Instead I focused my anger on bullying the adults as punishment for their neglect.  I was good at it and usually in the right, factually speaking—I made life hell for the “grown-ups” if they met my certain criteria.

I carried this attitude into jobs, relationships, and self-definition.  It didn’t get better. Indeed it has challenged my recovery at every turn, because I let myself be bullied by authority while also still bullying the same.  Hence, big situational triggers for me lead to uncontrollable mood swings, and a PTSD diagnosis.

I now know that “It Gets Better” is not a passive phrase, but actionable. I am taking actions to do right by me and all others. Bullying in any form leaves scars.  If you are being bullied or are a bully, there is help out there—you can start by stopping it.  Then “it does get better”.  

Is there anything you did or are doing to rein in the bully-culture?  How has bullying affected you?